Somebody that I used to know - The ex

I was cleaning out my Facebook friend list. There were so many people on there that I just don't care about and I don't really care if they know what I'm up to, in fact I don't want them to know what I'm up to. After I cleaned out my list, I noticed someone had cleaned me off their list. My first love "John", I looked him up to see if he still had a page and he did. So I was slightly bummed that he took me off. He was the one that was adamant about staying friends when we broke up. It's been years since we've had a conversation. I saw him at a restaurant with his family last year, all we said was hi to each other and some slight small talk. The situation was weird though, I didn't really care to go up to his family to say hi, I haven't seen them in years. His long time girlfriend (now fiance) was there and I don't really think she likes me all too much. I don't blame her, I am the ex.

I found out that he's getting married this September, and I don't know how I feel about it. I found my wonderful love Chad and he treats me so good, he gets me and we get along so well. I just kinda felt like a loser maybe because John is now a Dentist and he's gonna make the big bucks doing what he enjoys, and I'm just kinda stuck at the moment paying off my damn debt that I racked up over the years. I'm proud and happy for him, he kept up with the intense schooling and dedication. I'm also envious, because I still want to go through schooling myself to become an acupuncturist and also hope that Chad gets motivated to do something more with his career. While I was working my 2nd job cleaning Victoria's Secret in the mornings, I had a lot of time to just think while working. For a few days there I thought about John, because I had just heard that he was getting married in September, I was trying to sort out my feelings on that. I felt like a loser because I was working a cleaning job, and not really near being married.

John broke my heart 10 years ago and I had a hard time coping because I have never felt that kind of pain. It took a little too long to get over him. I don't miss him now, I'm happier nowadays. My insecurity was over the top back in the day, it's better now. I can see why John couldn't handle me.

I saw John at a restaurant while I was with Chad and his friends recently. I'm pretty sure he saw me too, but I could be wrong. We didn't even say hi to each other, I pretended I didn't see him. There's not really a need to say much to each other. He is a stranger to me now. It's just so weird and almost feels like a lifetime ago that him and I were lovers and he was my best friend, and now we're nothing along with all the other ex boyfriends/lovers I've had. I always thought that it's not such a big deal to stay friends with exes however I guess it is a big deal because I'm not really close friends with any of mine. It's better that way and I can see why John deleted me from his facebook friends. Oh well, c'est la vie.

Remember the Time - With Chad

I met Chad in my 8th grade science class sometime during the mid 90's, we were seated near each other in Mr. Pfiefer's Science class and we goofed off during class in our little section of the classroom. We quickly became friends and we would talk on the phone for hours and hours. He was the first guy I had long phone conversations with. In middle school when I was at my most awkward, he was the person that helped me feel normal. We'd talk forever about random stuff, what kind of music we liked, the latest video game on the Super Nintendo, last night's TV show episode of whatever show we both watched. I definitely remember my cd player playing Smashing Pumpkins Melloncollie and the Infinite Sadness album playing on repeat during those days, we both liked that album. Even though we were so close, I didn't see Chad as more than a friend. In fact I wasn't very attracted to him at that time. I think I may have heard some rumors that he had a crush on me and as soon as I heard that, of course I denied it and was embarrassed. I was super young, innocent and naive in the middle school years and my traditional Vietnamese parents would never let me hang out with boys, let alone have a boyfriend.

It worked out better that we didn't date in the 8th grade, I don't think it would've lasted. I appreciate Chad much more now because I had gone through so much with guys the past 10+ years. I felt like I've been treated so bad in the past that now I can really appreciate the good. I think I would've taken the good treatment from Chad for granted if I didn't know what else was out there and how other guys were.

Chad is my sweetie pie, he makes me feel safe and secure. He's always there for me and he's a great listener. Chad stands up for himself and for me in certain situations and isn't afraid to speak his mind, even though I sometimes don't agree with him. It's ok I love him anyway. :)

"Remember the Time" by Michael Jackson brings me back to the time because this song came out in the 90's when I met Chad and of course the contents of the lyrics.