Somebody that I used to know - The ex

I was cleaning out my Facebook friend list. There were so many people on there that I just don't care about and I don't really care if they know what I'm up to, in fact I don't want them to know what I'm up to. After I cleaned out my list, I noticed someone had cleaned me off their list. My first love "John", I looked him up to see if he still had a page and he did. So I was slightly bummed that he took me off. He was the one that was adamant about staying friends when we broke up. It's been years since we've had a conversation. I saw him at a restaurant with his family last year, all we said was hi to each other and some slight small talk. The situation was weird though, I didn't really care to go up to his family to say hi, I haven't seen them in years. His long time girlfriend (now fiance) was there and I don't really think she likes me all too much. I don't blame her, I am the ex.

I found out that he's getting married this September, and I don't know how I feel about it. I found my wonderful love Chad and he treats me so good, he gets me and we get along so well. I just kinda felt like a loser maybe because John is now a Dentist and he's gonna make the big bucks doing what he enjoys, and I'm just kinda stuck at the moment paying off my damn debt that I racked up over the years. I'm proud and happy for him, he kept up with the intense schooling and dedication. I'm also envious, because I still want to go through schooling myself to become an acupuncturist and also hope that Chad gets motivated to do something more with his career. While I was working my 2nd job cleaning Victoria's Secret in the mornings, I had a lot of time to just think while working. For a few days there I thought about John, because I had just heard that he was getting married in September, I was trying to sort out my feelings on that. I felt like a loser because I was working a cleaning job, and not really near being married.

John broke my heart 10 years ago and I had a hard time coping because I have never felt that kind of pain. It took a little too long to get over him. I don't miss him now, I'm happier nowadays. My insecurity was over the top back in the day, it's better now. I can see why John couldn't handle me.

I saw John at a restaurant while I was with Chad and his friends recently. I'm pretty sure he saw me too, but I could be wrong. We didn't even say hi to each other, I pretended I didn't see him. There's not really a need to say much to each other. He is a stranger to me now. It's just so weird and almost feels like a lifetime ago that him and I were lovers and he was my best friend, and now we're nothing along with all the other ex boyfriends/lovers I've had. I always thought that it's not such a big deal to stay friends with exes however I guess it is a big deal because I'm not really close friends with any of mine. It's better that way and I can see why John deleted me from his facebook friends. Oh well, c'est la vie.